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Mental Wellness Education to End Stigma

When I first began my journey towards mental wellness, I did so because I was diagnosed as “ill”. My life had become unmanageable, my self image was so distorted, and the story I’d been told and telling for decades was that I was making other people’s lives for difficult and I should stop existing for the sake of others. I was bound to this world because I knew that my suicide would hurt my family, and I was rejected from this world because they couldn’t handle me as I was. I wanted to die, and the only thing keeping me from dying was this little voice inside that said I had a reason to be here. Continue reading Mental Wellness Education to End Stigma

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27th Birthday

It’s my Birthday.
I’m now 27.
I have an amazing roommate and some great friends I’ll be spending time with over the next couple days. I have a wonderful mother who I’ll see this Friday. I’m so excited for the next two nights of celebrating and I hope I can enjoy them. I so desperately want to.

Continue reading 27th Birthday

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Depression is not…

What depression IS:
-Debilitating doubt of self and one’s projected and perceived reality, as well as one’s ability to make decisions and trust one’s self with the responsibility of their own life. This doubt can manifest hopelessness, sadness and isolation. It is often mirrored by others once the diagnosis has been made because of the misunderstanding and stigma around depression. Continue reading Depression is not…

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In Transition

Three years ago I came out as bisexual, which was my first attempt to express that I like women. But this year I came out as gay, realizing that so much of my previous “attraction” to men was for the security and validation of their male privilege and not to them as partners. I grew up in a household with so much toxic masculinity that I literally believed my wellness, success in the world, ability to be loved, and self worth were all attached to my ability to “catch” a man, or to otherwise be pleasing to them–pleasing to look at, to be around… which to toxic masculinity means meeting the societal standards of beauty, being silent, compliant and agreeable, and super validating to men (none of which came easy or natural to me).

Continue reading In Transition

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#MeToo

I’ve been struggling with intimacy more in the past three years than at any other point in my life. I’ve spoken and written and shared about my past experiences of trauma and abuse, but I haven’t really spoken or considered the last time I had sex and how traumatic it was. It’s such an experience I feel I need to share it. Trigger warning–rape, sex, dissociation, oppression, heteronormative fantasies, #metoo. Continue reading #MeToo