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Outsmarting Rainbow Capitalism

This Pride Month, there’s been a lot of criticism towards the LGBTQ folks who buy rainbow things from capitalist entities. I see the purpose of this criticism. These big brands are taking advantage of our community, our marginalization, our need for expression and community strength. Some of them take advantage of us while supporting politicians, policies and practices that further impose injustice and inequality on our community and other marginalized minorities.

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In Transition

Three years ago I came out as bisexual, which was my first attempt to express that I like women. But this year I came out as gay, realizing that so much of my previous “attraction” to men was for the security and validation of their male privilege and not to them as partners. I grew up in a household with so much toxic masculinity that I literally believed my wellness, success in the world, ability to be loved, and self worth were all attached to my ability to “catch” a man, or to otherwise be pleasing to them–pleasing to look at, to be around… which to toxic masculinity means meeting the societal standards of beauty, being silent, compliant and agreeable, and super validating to men (none of which came easy or natural to me).

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To Be A Lesbian

I just finished watching The L Word all the way through for the first time. I know, I’m late AF to the party, seeing as the last episode aired in 2009. I was graduating high school that year and was NOWHERE close to admitting to myself that I was gay. Not to mention, in my hometown The L Word was seen as some weird, fetish-porn, “gay-agenda” TV show and basically spoken about like a demonic betrayal of all things wholesome and divine. Continue reading “To Be A Lesbian”

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#MeToo

I’ve been struggling with intimacy more in the past three years than at any other point in my life. I’ve spoken and written and shared about my past experiences of trauma and abuse, but I haven’t really spoken or considered the last time I had sex and how traumatic it was. It’s such an experience I feel I need to share it. Trigger warning–rape, sex, dissociation, oppression, heteronormative fantasies, #metoo. Continue reading “#MeToo”

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Mental Illness from Within

I feel like mental illness is really difficult for people to grasp if they’ve never experienced it or if they’ve only experienced something slightly, or in a moment of grief or high stress or situational dis-ease, but not chronic mental illness. Many people will try to see it through their own understanding instead of admit its something beyond their experience or comprehension. Many people will see the expression of my emotion and they’ll relate it to their own and project their history on me, like I am simply making a mistake they’ve made and the answer is so simple. Continue reading “Mental Illness from Within”